~People Watching~

It’s interesting on how we learn so much more from observing rather than conversing at times. I’ve developed a new fixation I suppose…~people watching~ can be rather amusing and somewhat educational I fell. I attended the legal skills class in the morning, and though I had no reason to do so (as I’ve already successfully completed it last semester)…I nevertheless took up Ms. Siti’s invitation to “lepak and sibuk”. Let me be honest here, I had my own hidden agenda in attending…and being the opportunist I claim to be- I saw this as a fitting opportunity to ~get to know~ certain people better, if u get my drift. Walked in late- typical enough…followed by the ~walk~, gave out some ~waves~…grabbed a chair, and sat down. The students from the new intake were having a discussion/ debate on whether or not sex education should be taught in schools today. Most were liberal and a select few- conservative. I didn’t give a rats ass really. As my eyes roamed about, my agenda was being fulfilled…and for that, I did not have a reason to complain. It was interesting looking at the people who were presenting, as they went about expression their views in their own right. Passionate- some were…ignorant, arrogant and ridiculous were others. The general mindset of a foreigner is vast and distinctive from that of a typical local, i thought. Our audience at large is also ignorant and indecisive. We clap at unsubstantial points and laugh at condescending remarks that has ~stupidity~ written all over it. Everyone wants to be the ~man~…but no one behaves like one. *hah* .Well, need I divulge the many times I felt like saying something out loud…but I sat muted as I was a mere invitee to the class…and I indulged and luxuriated in observing. Regardless, ones downfall is imminent if he is driven purely by emotions…that much I assure you.

Frozen Balls…

It’s cold right here in the computer lab. Serves me right for wearing shorts and a tight t-shirt right? So…I’m bored now, hence the effort to blog.

The timetable for the new semester is out- it sucks~! Classes that start at 8 and ends and 4 don’t really fascinate me. At least I get to spend time with the mates on a daily basis once again- that I am looking forward to.

Ok, I do not know what to blog about…more contemplative outlooks on life or inconsiderateness bitching on events and people that pissed me off. ~hemmm~ …I don’t know….I refuse to think, I refuse to try even. Surprisingly enough, that pretty much sums up my current state…living in a lull without an initiative to do anything about it…but perhaps it is wise to act in moderation. “To everything in life, moderation is the key”…so said a dude that died many years ago. However, I think he was a little ~retarded~. Now that I think about it- why settle for moderation and mediocrity to begin with. The only result of such- to wake up one day and dwell on the “what ifs”. Oh well…let the chips fall I say, let the chips fall~! Oh gosh…I’m drifting away to matters of ~life~ once again! * sigh*…I must be somewhat ~touchy~ now…but then again standing in the rain and trying to make your point to an unknown man in the car can only contribute to that. Hah~…and by that I find myself drifting away yet again…as I’ve successfully begun ~bitching~ once more!! Creatures of habit…that we are, that we are~!

On Broken Dreams…

It is quite accurate- to observe a given situation from the inside-out…is indeed different from that of an outside-in viewpoint. Its perimeters are dissimilar and perhaps its clarity is contradictory and somewhat illusive. Question…question- …ever felt like your life was stuck on backspace, that every time you set off to type a new sequence to it…it then begins to cancel itself out automatically- way before you finish its very paragraph. Perhaps I am making no sense with this illustration…however I know of no other way to express it. Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot and will not match the expectation…and sometimes, it has a funny way of reversing the expectation to exactly the opposite of what we hope for. I guess there are many of us stuck somewhere in the middle- in a place not of love, yet not of hate…not of joy, yet not of sorrow…not of understanding, yet not of ignorance. Again, perhaps my expressions make no sense…nevertheless; I cannot decipher what I cannot comprehend to begin with…

One Voice…

Time has been consuming. Work has been an overload. The days of bumming have come to an end…and blogging has all but taken a back seat on this ‘bus ride’ I call ~life~. I fear my time of “just trying it out” is slowly drawing to an end, but I remain adamant to pursue this interest to as far as it takes me. I conjecture, is my life so dull and dreary that nothing seems appropriate to put down in black and white. It’s rather contradictory really…so much has happened, yet nothing ever seems substantial. Am I missing a piece form a puzzle…or am I reaching down to the depths of a dry well. Regardless, I know well enough that not everything should be expressed in the galore of glory. They say that there’s a time and place for everything, and that actions and intentions do not always match…however, remain mindful that although I have said nothing, it does not mean I have nothing to say. I remain impotent only because I realize that any potential backlash on my behalf will cause definite detriment and repercussions- not on me, but on someone I deem worthy and care for. Therefore, it’s a matter of choice…it’s an acknowledgment of asserting what’s more important to oneself… and it’s an instance where sacrifice prevailed.

Something called ~tagging~!!

April 1, 1997

1) How old were you? 10 +

2) Where did you go to school? SKTSG

3) Where did you work? Thankfully, I didn’t need to bring up an argument of child labor and potential sanction on countries and what not~

4) Where did you live? Gombak ~land~

5) Where did you hang out? Padang~! Main bola~! Trying hard to allow the “abang’s” to let me join them and play…

6) Did you wear glasses? Nop..

7) Who was your best friend? ~Bola~! it understood me~!

8 ) How many tattoos did you have? None

9) How many piercings did you have? None

10) What car did you drive? Walking was the only option…and I tried not to do ~a trevor~!! *lolz*

11) Had you been to a real party? We had a lot of these birthday parties where we ended up playing ~whacko~! N I’ll be damned if that isn’t ~real~ enough for you~!

12) Had your heart broken? I compared girls to amphibians…so go figure~!

April 1, 2002

1) How old were you? 15 +

2) Where did you go to school? SMK Hillcrest

3) Where did you work? ~Librarian slave~! (and to think I actually ~paid~ ‘yuran’ to arrange those books and mop its freaking floor)

4) Where did you live? No change…

5) Where did you hang out? As a group, we used to move around to each others house. Most frequent- residence ~palarahman~! Some viewed porn while others played bola in the porch…

7) Who was your best friend? Never saw the need to classify someone as that…

8 ) Who was your regular-person crush? I was hated and despised back then~! Mind you…I was not ~sweet and sexy~ but ~mean and menacing~!

9) How many tattoos did you have? None..

10) How many piercing did you have? I didn’t like piercing(s)…

11) What car did you drive? “Dad…I finish at 1.45 today…can you pick me up ah…bye”

12) Had you had your heart broken? No~! but I guess I wasn’t very nice and I made a ~few~ people cry…not in a romantic sense, but in an emotional abusive sense…

April 1, 2007

1) How old are you? 20 +

2) Where do you work? Still studying…a law degree takes forever to complete~!

3) Where do you live? Gombak~! “where short guys reside and stay~!”

4) Do you wear glasses? I keep stealing Nawar’s glasses~! I just luv wearing it…

5) Where do you hang out? Too many to note… but it doesn’t matter ~where~ though, but rather with ~who~…

6) Who is your best friend? ~abang faizal~ *sarcastic look*

8 ) Do you talk to your old friends? I must say I’ve drifted away from quite a few of them~!

9) How many piercing do you have? Still don’t fancy it~!

10) How many tattoos? Ask me this question in around 3- 6 months, or so…

11) What kind of car do you drive? A reliable and maintainable kind…

12) Has your heart been broken? ~hemmm~!! The heart influenced the brain, and ~together~…’they’ did a lot of ~growing up~!

Dear Judith…

In a frantic response to Judith’s ~demand~ that I blog about something, I reckon it’s only appropriate that I divulge the many ~interesting~ things that has been happening in my ever so ~exciting~ life out loud. I hope, that in doing so…I would at least satisfy and perhaps even annul Judith’s ~story hungry~ look!! *lolz* (Judith, I miss doing this to you…we should meet up soon~!) :]

Anyhows, as my recent friendster picture bares evidence…every Tuesdays have now become ~dress like a freaking lawyer wannabe day~!! *woohoooo* So yea~ bring on the shirt, tie, slacks, shoes and blazer~! In a way, I do fancy the concept of its idea…mainly due to the fact that it portrays a certain degree of professionalism n ~playing dress up~ can be rather pleasurable…however…you begin to see its downside every once in awhile when people start looking at you ~weirdly~! But ~fuck that~…I’ve never lived my life on the basis of what others ~might~ think of me…so ~drool lil’ bitches~…you know I look good~! *hah*

We were shown an interesting video during our Legal Skills class…of a guy receiving 20 rotan strikes as part of his prison sentence. Let me paint out the scenario…his hands are tied to a pole, as he stands there fully naked. His lower waist to his upper thigh is covered with a thin leather fabric, although there is a square cut off around his rear. He looked as if he was shivering, as he stood out in the cold- butt naked…and without warning, strike one of the 20 strikes was carried out. The swing and power that was put into the rotan was as fierce as Barry Bonds hitting his 738 home run…and after the second hit, blood was pouring down from his ass like a waterfall. After hit five…his ass turned blue black and after the tenth hit…it was pitch black with dried up blood all around it. After all 20 strikes…his flesh was so torn apart that you wouldn’t even realize he ~had~ a rear end. According to my lecture, one/two strikes causes immediate erectile dysfunction…and its difficult to determine if the punishment he suffered was adequate, as nothing seems like a fitting sentence for raping and killing little girls below the age of eight. Oh well~ at least I ~enjoyed~ watching the dude suffer!

On a lighter note, I joined the KDU debate team…or at least my name was submitted and since there was quite a number of students interested in it…we’re now required to break up in groups of three and go against each other~! *evil smile* …That should be rather interesting I would think… ~hemmm~ …and I am adamant to take upon the role of 2nd speaker this time around, rather than my ~usual~ role back in high school. Reminiscing back to those days, I still can’t believe how fortunate we were to have a good team, a good backing and to make it as far as we did. I lived by the principal to have fun, ~talk cock~ and create havoc along the way. I shall never forget the time when we were placed in the ‘bilik mesyuarat’ at that fucking T.S Gombak (if I’m not mistaken) school for our quarantine…and thereafter, Terry (or as he is now known as- ~Terence~ :p) and Zul decided to ‘smoke up’ the whole place (massively), whilst I became quite ~inquisitive~ and went snooping around, reading some ‘restricted files’…and before we knew it, one hour was up…and no iteration was carried out… *good times I say*

So yea…I hope that goes well and I am pleased to say that college life has been rather pleasurable thus far. I am content to prolong existing friendships and delighted to discover a few new people to whom I’ve really ~clicked~ with. So…reverting back to you, ~dear Judith~ and your ‘story hungry look’…I’m sure you’re eager to know the situation on the ~chic’z~ and whether or not anyone is worth mentioning…as well as any possible developments on my part…but I tell you what, perhaps we shall save that conversation to when we meet ok…*wink wink*

A Domino Effect~!

On a daily basis we own up to a million things…we speak, we listen, we acknowledge, we criticize, we reflect, and hope that at the end of it all…we gain a deeper understanding to the matter in question. But only when something is said so randomly and so decisively, do we begin to comprehend the lengths of its range and the magnitude of its severity. We live in a time where change is so rapid, that often times we begin to see it present only when it is already fading. A battle that one may never conquer is when he is up against history itself…and you’d think I should know that by now. It’s a domino effect really~!

The Fast Lane

I’m left wanting more, and I wonder why…but then again, why do I ask myself these questions when I already know its answers. I know well enough that I’ve planned nothing, but that doesn’t mean I’ve anticipated nothing. It’s funny how things work, and in this case…I’m happy with the way it’s shaping up. So what’s next I wonder…~hemmm~ …well, perhaps it is advisable to adhere with the rule of ‘Occam’s Razor’. Regardless, exciting times lie ahead. Bring on the weekdays~!

When it Stops…

Ever found yourself chasing cars, an impossible dream, pink unicorns or even the hope of salvation that just seems too far away. Forgive my peculiar analogies, but the point I make is that whilst we strive to pursue this unfeasible intention, ask yourselves if you have ever come across a predicament where it is ourselves that suffers the most…sacrificing our wants, disregarding our needs, compromising our principles, ignoring our happiness…thus leaving our lives in an utter state of disarray and dismay.

As unfair as it seems, why do we still hold on and continue this self persecution, inflicting this constant pain and sorrow to our very self’s. I may never have a standard answer that would possibly satisfy everyone…but in many instances, I believe we do so all for the sole purpose that we simply care too much. Yes, caring too much can be detrimental. In a matter of opinion, this is of most detriment when we direct our care to those who simply lack care for us, and by the practice of the given act…we in turn begin to slowly, but surely care less and less for our own self’s.

Looking back on the years…I realize that perhaps I too may have subconsciously succumb to this illusion, or rather disillusion…creating a land of fantasy which disregards realism, all in the hope to comfort oneself. In this mystical land I speak of, we tell ourselves that we are doing the right thing…we use the term ‘compromising’ as our saving grace and we set out ~thinking~ that we’re happy. Yes, I’ve experienced the lot, and I guess it’s safe to assume that we’ve all experienced the aftermath of this specific event- the repercussions of a ~breakup~!

Albert Einstein once said; ‘reality is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one’. I remain hesitant to comply fully, as I feel reality remains an illusion only if we remain naïve. With regards to certain experiences that I’ve been through, I truly believe that the luminosity of reality is most prominent when we hit rock bottom. It is only when we’re stepped on, torn apart and left to disintegrate in burning flames will our eyes see clearly…and it is at this point of time we discover ourselves and the people around us better. True friendships are affirmed and exposed…and only when we fall to pieces, can we truly discover what makes us whole. I bear witness that when it’s all said and done…we come out being a stronger, wiser and better person.

To a close friend of mine to whom I care for deeply…I would like to make known that during this difficult time that you are currently facing, I truly understand that there are indeed large areas of gray that diminish hope, optimism and understanding…but if there is one thing that I need you to understand is that you shoulder no blame…and even the mere contemplation of accepting blame is rather unseemly and somewhat criminal. Feelings are not supposed to be logical and it is never a crime to care for someone…but we must never forget to care for ourselves first and foremost, because ultimately, that is the one thing we have total control of. I shall highlight the fact that you are an awesome, awesome person…and chin up my dear…you’re a stronger person than you give yourself credit for. You do not walk alone…this much I assure you.

~New Surroundings~

A day where;-

…I stuck my name tag on my belt, and it mysteriously ended up at my ~happy place~ *no joke*
…swallowed a mosquito while having a conversation with Lyiana
…was told by Hambhika (out loud) to stop flirting when I was ~talking~ to a ‘newbie’
…almost bitched slapped a bunch of annoying nerds (I found their constant clapping and ‘exhale-ly’ kinda noise irritating)
…committed my first act of truancy as I simply did not feel like going through an ‘ice breaking’ session (I was terrified when one of the guys in charge told me we might have to dance in mini groups)

~the plan to become a ‘library loner’ is underway~
*no one thinks I can pull it off though…bets are on that I’ll cave in come week 2*