The Muffin Man !!

Do u know the muffin man~!?! Yes, I know the muffin man~! That fuckin retarded muffin man who sold me an expired muffin~! I await your return to my lane~! *dare you sell me tainted goods…you shall pay*

This Christmas… (how it began)

*long post ahead- so sorry guys*

This Christmas stared off just like every other…the painting, the tree, the lighting, the decoration, the baking, the shopping, the cleaning…and all its typical hassle. A conundrum was struck as to which mass I should attend; the routine tradition of St. Joseph- where I’ll be bored to my neck…or the option to follow James, Feli and Barath to Assumption. Being a creature of habit, I opted for the norm and true enough, after the 10th minute of sitting on its hard and sore bench, I grew agitated and rather restless. I was quite content replying all my sms’es discreetly, but that inevitably came to an end. And so I began to observe the people around me…Cheryl and Gopi were taking pictures of themselves in front of us, Justin was quite notably dozing off, and on the opposite bench to the right, I see Uncle Henry giving an immense smile as he kept glancing towards Trevor and I. Everyone had their best attire on display and eyes roamed about, as scrutiny was at its peak. Each one’s generosity was also magnified, as I saw 10’s and 50’s being placed into the collection bag continuously. This in turn sparked a taught within me, as I asked myself questions pertaining to the act of giving and the intent behind the act itself. “Were they being sincere and true”, I asked myself. Well, perhaps it is not for me to neither conjecture nor second guess the intent of a person… but Tennessee Williams once suggested that many portray “truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion”. To me, it was a fruit of taught nonetheless.

Thereafter we headed home, wished each other and fulfilled all the holiday traditions. Messages and calls were coming through my phone and my dad made a remark that “all the girls” were calling. Someone once started a rumor that I’m a ~player~ (the one’s who are close to me should be laughing by now) and this word went back to my dad and he subsequently believed it. Well, this bares no detriment or defamation to me; therefore I’m willing to let it slide. The taught of it however is rather humorous as often times I panic instead of being smooth on the rarity that I like someone, and to know that a stupid joke is to then unfold (by myself) isn’t exactly the ace I would like to have in my back pocket. *too much ~useless~ information- I know*

Anyhows, feeling bored and adamant not to let the festivity be ruined by sleep, a few of us decided to head to James place to ~lepak~! We did so, and we bought some snacks and drinks from 7- Eleven to compliment the company. Around 2.50 am, I received a call, and so I walked away from the table we were at to answer it. “Bryan, where are you ah”…she asked. “I’m out la, sup~”…I replied. “I really need your help”…she goes on to say. Trying to be laid back, I gave a reply that I would help- if I’m able to. What she then goes on to say shocked and stunned me beyond all comprehension. She tells me that she just witnessed a random accident and being on site, she went to help, and only then did she realize that she knew the victim. In fact, mostly anyone from the Gombak or Sentul region would have known him, and he was a personal close friend to me. She tells me that he has been involved in a motorbike accident, and while fear and trepidation was quite vivid in the pauses and cracks of her voice; she stated that judging form what she saw- he looked quite bad. An ambulance had been called and he was in a semi conscious state, tough very much bloody and his movement was all but restricted. She called me as she didn’t know who else to call, and I was then asked to inform his parents, as we had a close relationship of proximity. The call ends as I tell her to keep me informed of the situation or any developments that may unfold.

I immediately call my dad and calmly tell him the situation, though shielding prior information I had with regards to his state. We pondered as to how we would let his parents know, as it was late at night and we were also mindful of the heart condition his father endures. My dad finally disclosed the information to one of his siblings, as he was awake with friends, and he himself decided to head to the hospital to enquire more information before revealing the unfortunate circumstances to his parents. I now look up and see another brother of his, sitting and dwelling among the rest of us at the dinning table. I wondered as to how I would now go forth is accreting a matter that’s delicate and flimsy by nature, as I understood I would consequently be revealing a fragile predicament to him. I first called Trevor out and informed him of the situation, and only then did we call him out, and together…we slowly began the explanation, stating several times that he should not worry, as we adulterated the truth and only revealed snippets of the picture painted to me. After taking several minutes to compose ourselves, we informed the rest and headed to the hospital.

At the emergency room, we met his other brother along with his two friends. He told us that he was taken for the required scans and what not, and we were told to wait as all our answers would be revealed upon the arrival of the doctor. In a white transparent plastic bag his shirt was placed, drenched in blood and torn to shreds. The helmet with its visor; disjointed and disunited, and as I looked down; the slings from his bag were adjacent no more. I looked around at the other families who were facing similar distress, as I sat near the ‘ruang cahaya harapan’ and I witness firsthand the slow and implacable fires of human desperation…even though not a soul uttered a single word. The wait itself was truly horrendous, as in many ways we were left in a state only to accept its fate. After a three hour wait, we finally met with the doctor. Our fears were put to rest, as the doctor firstly ruled out any serious brain damage or internal bleeding. No bones were broken as well, and we were astounded to this revelation…as out initial outlook on the situation convinced us otherwise. Trevor and I then bombarded the doctor with numerous questions. Trevor took the lead and I continued with any follow up questions that was still vague. I felt like Batman’s trusty sidekick, Robin…but only in this instance, we wore no tights and asked medical question instead, as we knew we could do nothing more. He did sustain some painful injuries, but we were thankful nonetheless…knowing that he would be in a clear state of recovery. [*We now await his return home and wish him well as he recuperates and recovers*]

Therefore, perhaps this Christmas did bring about faith, hope, togetherness and the reliance towards greater understandings that we may never fathom. Often times our perception and outlook of the festivities are fogged up, as we strive to prepare and portray our homes and ourselves to the best that we can, thus disregarding the essence of life and the basis of the day itself. As a result, this Christmas I learned to be content with the gift of life…and to appreciate the lives around me as well. I have an incredible family, immaculate friends and irreplaceable memories that I shall forever cherish. *am I leaving anything out* …Moreover, I don’t think I turned out too bad myself, because lets face it- I could be much worse~! Life is not easy, it is not a bed of roses…and often time’s challenges come our way, but perhaps overcoming them is what makes life truly meaningful. Hence, I prepare myself to step into the New Year with a renewed zeal towards life, content with the fact that I have total ignorance of what’s to come. Perhaps I should also be more willing to take certain risks in life, with enthusiasm and intrepidity as my shield and sword respectively. Even the great and legendary Michael Jordan missed more that 9000 shots in his career, and when this was pointed out to him, he replied; “I can accept failure, but I can’t accept not trying”. Therefore I hope I find it in me to appreciate, understand and enjoy life to its utmost bliss, accepting life’s challenges and undertaking reasonable risks along the way. After all, we only live once.

And so it is…

…as I begin to ’step and see’ into the unfamiliar world of blogging, I weigh up my options and ponder as to what I would actually blog that would captivate readers and satisfy personal aspiration alike. A word of thanks and gratitude goes out to Melissa and Marlene for their guidance and opinions respectively, in the effort of setting up this blog. Also, to Felicia and Cheryl for giving me an impending view as to what blogging is, and what it should be- that is; a personal reflection of oneself. Therefore, as I confer life into its context, I hope the humble and unrefined insights to my thoughts and emotions would be somewhat adequate and sufficient as I reflect on lives journey, portray humor (or the attempt to do so at least) and perhaps even depict ~drama and emo-ness~ from time to time. I feel rather overwhelmed and naïve, like a young rider setting out on his dragon, in aiding the “Varden’s” to banish and exile the evil ruler of the land (like the movie- this is cheesy)…yet, I cant help but feel a sense of excitement and enthusiasm at the same time.

I have been asked whether or not I was afraid that upon writing a blog, the crude reality of judgment that may be passed upon me would potentially question my decision, and whether possible scrutiny directed towards me is something I am ready to deal with. Funny enough, this does not concern me at all. This is a matter of choice and preference, and sometimes we choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and the expression of the given opinion should not be restrained. What’s important however is staying true to oneself, as “the roots of true achievement lie in the will to become the best you can become”. Moreover, I have complete faith and understanding to the one’s closest to me, and I dare say with full conviction that these people are the best friends anyone could ask for. Perhaps I shall soon speak of them individually in future post’s that is to come.

And so it is…as i now set out knowing I have a place to dwell, speak of eventful moments and possibly even rant on the ever mystifying wonders that only life can bring. Let us now go forth with life with a better understanding of each other and more importantly, knowing that we do not stand alone. With that in mind, a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction sets alive within me.